Casey's Page

This page is dedicated to pictures and memories of my dog Casey. She died on June 7th,2014 at the age of 15-16.

Memories of a Tuna Can

Casey has been dead now for 6 weeks. 6 weeks seems like such a short time but it feels like a year at the same time. The first month after her death was spent doing the typical things one does when mourning; crying too easily and drinking too much. She was there in every room and around every corner and when I realized I was talking to her, I would just cry again. “Casey, time to go to bed” or “Casey I’m home” seemed silly to hear in an empty house and it brought me to a stop as the realization dawned that she isn’t there. She was deaf by this time and wasn’t able to hear me anyway but I kept talking to her like she could. She didn’t know she was deaf by the way she would tilt her head and swivel her ears around as if she was listening for something important. Day-by-day things got better and less painful. I stopped talking to her around week 3… and I picked all her toys, food and bedding up and gave them away in week 2.
Now I am here at week 6 and got hit again with that wrenching pain of loss over something as simple as a tuna can. I was making lunch on a Saturday and decided to open a can of tuna and put it on my salad. I opened the can, drained the tuna and scooped it out on to the lettuce, stopping to leave a little bit of tuna in the can. This habit of leaving tuna in the can came from Casey, who could be sound asleep in another room but when tuna was being drained, would magically show up at my side. When I realized what I had done and why, it stopped me in my tracks and I got that familiar punch-in-the-gut feeling.
I was leaving Casey some tuna so she could take it outside and eat it. Casey would carry the tuna can in her mouth and lay down with it between her paws. She would hold it like that and lick until nothing was left. Then she would flip it on its side and while still licking, roll it around to get anything that might have managed to escape. It was pretty funny but she took it seriously. She loved tuna like we love chocolate cake and ice cream!
I stood there in the kitchen with the fork in one hand and holding myself up against the counter with the other hand, staring at that can. I was crying and confused because I really couldn’t bring myself to take all the tuna out of the can. I had to leave it for Casey… nothing else to it. I had to leave some for Casey and my body and heart wouldn’t allow me to do anything except that. I left the can on the counter and went to eat my lunch through my tears.
The next time I had tuna I had to make myself take all the tuna out of the can. I almost did it. I look at this incident and realize that this dog was everywhere in my life. Not just the normal dog things like walks and kisses and having fun playing with her toy. She was in my weekday morning routine, when I got up and walked her before going to work. What a mess that made of my schedule that first day back at work! Without that walk I was actually later than with it because I couldn’t get my morning to work right without it. Get up, put on makeup, get dressed, grab leash and walk the dog, grab leash and walk the dog… that whole section was gone and I was unable to move around it.
Then the routine of going to bed at night and telling her it was time for bed. Who does that? Dog owners. It took a few weeks to stop. And now this exercise in brain games. A simple task of putting tuna on my salad created a storm of emotions and physical pain that seems impossible to explain to others.

I miss my dog… every day I miss my dog.

Julie Tonseth 
July 26, 2014

More Pictures

Moraga house - she loved to pose for pictures!

Moraga house

Easter wearing my easter bonnet from when I was a little girl. She is very confused as you can see!

Casey got the entire back seat to herself!

Easter with my parents - Just after we found out she had bone cancer

Front yard explorer!

This was the day that I knew she was sick.. her back legs stopped working and she slid in the mud. She was so scared and confused and I just cried. After that point we worked to keep her happy and pain free and we did.

Casey digging up a gopher - and she did!

Front yard in the spring

Watching turkeys or a squirrel or deer from the little deck..

Casey and Laine

Exploring by the creek with me

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